maggie's spot

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

maggie's spot

maggie's spotHey Yall so here i am back I have a new adventure to tell yall about but first let me say I thank God for my soberity and my restored common sense.Having said that i am now dating a guy that i am not sure that he makes me happy or if i am just flattered that he would even give me the time of day.He is 30 and as we all know i am 42 yea theres is a age difference and my kids are having a major problem with it.I am now questioning my decisions.I enjoy his company butwe really don't talk much i guess my daughter is right what would we have to talk about. We are so different he sings amd has the most wonderful voice and he is really nice looking he could have anyoe of these younger women he wants !why me??On the other hand why not me??Or is this just a fling and i am going to get my heart broken.Cuz He IS YOUNG any opions are welcome i could use some real advice!!!!HELP!!!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

maggie's spot

maggie's spotOh yea I forgot my birthday is Sunday and i will be 42 years old and i feel like i just started in my life.

maggie's spot

maggie's spotHere I am once again and i am here once again to pur out my heart. Ya know i have been alone for awhile and i have learned to enjoy it to a point.But this sleeping alone is beginning to suck. I have become a good person i just want to wake up with the same person and go to bed with the same person everynight . I wanna learn someone so well that i know everything about them.What they like what they don't like and what does and does not turn them on. But i don't know where to look or maybe i should not look at all maybe i should just sit tight and see what happens.Cuz i keep hoping that he will just drop into my lap.But that does not seem to be happening . I dislike being alone I have conqured the loneliness . But i really want to be held at night ya know hold hands in the moonlight .Cuddle up on the couch and watch t.v. just to count on someone to be home to talk to to just be with.A companion some i can call meet for dinner and buy things for . Any suggestions on wher my partner might be??

Sunday, October 01, 2006

maggie's spot

maggie's spotwell hello how are all yall out there? Me well i am doing well i have a good life and i am doing thngs i enjoy i have been very busy and now i am working a second job to stay busy and i got to wait on some of our fellow soderites and they are so much funand they were showing a new comer how to have fun without drinking or drugs.It appeared that she was having a good time we all laughed and joked about things we had done when we were out there and ya know i came home and strolled down memorie land and back then i was very thin i have put on some weight and i think i needed it i looked older then than i do now.My birthday is coming up and i am lokking forward to it cuz although i am getting older i feel better than i have ever felt.Physically and Emotionally.Ok i am going to close this for now I will be back later to finish this.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

love lost

maggie's spotOK if u have worked the 'steps' U will understand what i am about to say-When i wa working my steps i found that out of all the ones that i had listed there was one i couldnot find.Someone that was very special to me ment alot to me even back in the day.Someone especially noe that i am clean i had a special place for he ment so much to me but still i burned for my addiction.We could have had a beautiful life,But any way that is another story for another day
I had not had the opportunity to tell this person how i felt then and now.Well when i was moving into this apt. I came face to face with this person-You remember when you are told that when it is itme for you to fix what u had done the way will be provided and u have to be willing.Well at first i was not willing I was scared that all those feeling i had bak then would resurface. I gathered the courage to approach him and do what i know i had to do.And i did and we may not ever have what we had then but at least he forgave me and hopefully we can be friends. When i explained where i wasat then and where i am now he seems to be okay with it.Did I mention that he is now married which really bothered me at first but as long as he is happy i will be okay with that.I am hoping we can sit and talk more soon,this is the first time i have ever admitted how i felt about him. Now i can admit it without any guilt.He ame by my apt. tonight and i let him kiss me and i got this warm feeling inside and i wanted him as bad as i remembered from back then and i felt so warm. I was n love with him then and i don't wanna love him now, But i will if i don't watch myself cuz it would not be right. But we cannot change the way we feel yet with gods help i can hide it supress it and only keep it between me and god.Cuz he is married and i had my chance and i gave it to the 'dopw' instead of him.So i have ot accept my fate and stay outta his life cuz i do not and will not cause any more damage than i already have.Looking back i have never loved like that and i probably never will again but that is alright i can live with that cuz with Gods help we can survive anything.ok that is all for now Bye all i willl be back soon!!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

wow i have arrived

maggie's spotI saved and saved to get a computer not the best on the market but it is mine i don't owe anything for it it is mine. I am really enjoying it and ia don;t feel as lonely as i used too. I can now write in my journal without feelng rushed. any way i think i will surf the net now so more later i will come back and share my journey with you.

Monday, September 18, 2006

maggie's spot

maggie's spotOK I got some things i have observed that leave me with a "bad taste" in my mouth so to speak . I watch a man try to 'tame' a woman i know that is very strong and independant and she does not comform well to stupidity.No matter what she said she was always met with some kind of debate he was always tring to be right and always tring to do things his way it was more like he wanted a child not a girlfriend.when they first got together he was great and they talked about everything and then he started to change tring to tell her what he thought was right and wrong.Well from my point of view he really had no room to say anything cuz here he was not working living with his mom and dad.She does very well on her own sometimes a bit lonley but she has friends that keep her from being to lonely,at first he did not mind her friends or the time she spent with her son,then with in two weeks he began having a problem with them and he began getting very combative no matter what he seemed to always bring choas and discontent<> Lots of drama it was amazing how her life went from he apt being her sanctuay to her dreading to go home for fear he would be there.Cuz she knew it was going to be a fight no matter what the topic, no matter what she trid to tell him he would get arguementative.He was always right and there was no room for compromise it was as if she no longer had a voice and it was going to be the way he thought it should be.Even when they went out to eat he would order for her not necessarily what she wanted but he thought she wanted. Now they had only egan dating a month ago. Now he suddenly knew her??She would ask him questions about himself just to find out something about him and he would respond with sarcasim or some kinda of humor.But no depth he was not clingy at first but he was begining to get that way.Becoming possesive and controlling with his mannerisms.Then he began saying things a t work that were very unprofessional and juvinile things that had no business on the job that really should have stayed in the bedroom.So she kinda felt funny at work cuz of his mouth.She feels like she did when her ex-isolated her from the world.He acts like a active addict cuz with the soberity he says he has he should know better he should relize that letting her be free would make both of them happy and she would be very content cuz he really is a nice guy or he can be if he would just let her be her cuz she really is a good person .But if he keeps pushing her then she will rebel and oh boy when she does.I am tired of seeing her cry-and question her self like she did with the last one.He has always said all he wanted for her was to be happy then why make her miserable why try to change her into whatever he thinks she should be Cuz without him she was alway smiling and always looking forward to the next day and now she is very down.He needs to learn to run his own life and not try to run hers.He needs to accept that he has NO CONTROL!!!!!!Well that is all of that banter i wil put in more later cuz i got a computer at home Email is bye for now.....

Friday, September 15, 2006

maggie's spot

maggie's spotYa know i am ready for someone to hold me at night and i want to wake up every morning with that same person.I want to know them in ways that no one else does I want some one who thinks i hung the moon-someone who will accapet me no matter what I have flaws and this i know I do not need them pointed out for me.some who will let the little shit go.I realized that relationships are ard work i don't mind hard work but i want someone who will at least give 50%. Some i can argue with and fix the problem or agree that the situatin has no resolve and be ok with me haveing a view different than theirs. I want them to be my friend first some who wants me in everyway not just sexually.But emotinally Yes i am very set in my ways but with the right person i don't mind conformity .Afterall we all have changed over the years we have all accepted and denied the reality of what is going on.So i sat down i made of list of the things i don't want in a relationship and yes i even jotted down the qualities i want cuz if you don't know what you want then how do you know when you find it.Acceptance is the key i realize that everyone has things about them that are unique but the real question is can you deal with them cuz believe it if you go into a relationship looking to change that person u have already lost. So when you date someone look at those unique qualities that you wrinkle your brow at is somthing you can handle cuz it will only get worse as life goes on . and if they start changing things in your world from the start then maybe you should step back and regroup<<>>Cuz if they already tring to "fix" you or your tring to "fix' them then STOP.Cuz all relatinships r is comprmise and acceptance and embracing the differences ok i am closing now...bye-+