OK if u have worked the 'steps' U will understand what i am about to say-When i wa working my steps i found that out of all the ones that i had listed there was one i couldnot find.Someone that was very special to me ment alot to me even back in the day.Someone especially noe that i am clean i had a special place for he ment so much to me but still i burned for my addiction.We could have had a beautiful life,But any way that is another story for another day
I had not had the opportunity to tell this person how i felt then and now.Well when i was moving into this apt. I came face to face with this person-You remember when you are told that when it is itme for you to fix what u had done the way will be provided and u have to be willing.Well at first i was not willing I was scared that all those feeling i had bak then would resurface. I gathered the courage to approach him and do what i know i had to do.And i did and we may not ever have what we had then but at least he forgave me and hopefully we can be friends. When i explained where i wasat then and where i am now he seems to be okay with it.Did I mention that he is now married which really bothered me at first but as long as he is happy i will be okay with that.I am hoping we can sit and talk more soon,this is the first time i have ever admitted how i felt about him. Now i can admit it without any guilt.He ame by my apt. tonight and i let him kiss me and i got this warm feeling inside and i wanted him as bad as i remembered from back then and i felt so warm. I was n love with him then and i don't wanna love him now, But i will if i don't watch myself cuz it would not be right. But we cannot change the way we feel yet with gods help i can hide it supress it and only keep it between me and god.Cuz he is married and i had my chance and i gave it to the 'dopw' instead of him.So i have ot accept my fate and stay outta his life cuz i do not and will not cause any more damage than i already have.Looking back i have never loved like that and i probably never will again but that is alright i can live with that cuz with Gods help we can survive anything.ok that is all for now Bye all i willl be back soon!!